A Day As A Joker
by Tsurugi-chan
Summary: An ordinary day in the Uruha mansion.... through the eyes of the resident psychopath


A Day as a Joker

(Disclaimer: As usual, the characters don't belong to me. Don't sue me because I'll never pay up anyway. 'Sides, I've got better things to spend my money on. Ü)

The alarm clock goes off, signaling the start of yet another day. I groan and fumble around to switch it off. After several unsuccessful attempts, which consist of knocking it over and almost off the table, I finally manage to silence that infernal ringing object.

"I hate alarm clocks," I announce to the air.

No reply. Obviously.

"In fact, I think I'm going to get myself a hammer. It would make a nice smashing sound to break an alarm clock that way."

I swear I saw the alarm clock turn pale.

There is a muffled bang from the room next door, followed by the sound of sleepy cursing. I grin to myself as I rap on the adjoining wall and call out, "Raiha-han, is everything alright over there?"

The muted reply comes back: "Oh sh-. Err, nothing, I just walked into the drawer that's all."

I shake my head in resignation. One would think that a week after rearranging the furniture in one's room, one would at least manage to make it from bed to bathroom without any mishaps. Looks like Raiha is an exception. The cycle of bangs and curses has been repeating itself every morning and night, especially at night, since for some strange reason, he doesn't like to turn on the overhead light.

_Crazy ninjas… night vision my foot._

I smile again as I get ready for the day ahead.

I walk out of my room, my eyes hidden as usual by my helmet. Just as my door closes, I hear Raiha's open. He hops out of his room with a pained expression on his face. I fold my arms and sigh. "Let me guess. You walked into something else on your way out of your room."

Raiha rubs his shin as he hops alongside me, trying to keep pace with my strides. "Yes. And it was the chair this time. I swear you're becoming psychic, Joker. Or did you borrow the Shingan?"

I laugh out loud and shift my grasp on my Taishaku Kaiten, effectively blocking the entire hallway. "It's a wonder that you haven't impaled yourself while sheathing your katana at the rate you have accidents, Raiha-han. Why don't you just look where you're walking next time? And also, light bulbs *were* invented for a purpose you know."

'Are you guys going to stand there and jabber nonsense the whole day?' Kirin breezes by with Rasen in tow. 'Breakfast is ready.'

At the table, I stare at the charred and deformed mess in front of me. I glance at Neon, who just *happens* to be seated across from me, then at Raiha, who also just *happens* to be seated next to me. Neon gives me her trademark 'eat it or I'll kill you slowly' glare, which I disarm with my most charming fanged grin. Who could resist me after that, right? An idea starts to take shape in my head, and only Kirin knows what's going to happen next. I wait until Raiha is halfway through a swallow of his juice before kicking my plan into action.

I place my hands directly over my breakfast and pretend to be a mystic. "Hmm…" I drone in a monotone, "I'm looking into my breakfast now… and I sense that Neon cooked this and…" I give a dramatic gasp. "It's… it's… INEDIBLE!!"

Raiha chokes on his orange juice, almost spitting it out on the fuming Neon. She glares at me and kicks my ankle sharply. Man, that redhead sure can kick hard. At the head of the table, I see Kurei sigh and shake his head at the commotion going on over at my end. Which reminds me, I've got to get him a bottle of aspirin and a crate of indigestion medicine for Christmas. After all, he has to put up with my nonsense and Neon's cooking, and the guy really deserves a Nobel Prize for surviving that. 

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. For me, that is translated as B-O-R-I-N-G. Of course, after the breakfast incident, Neon has been avoiding me. That just proves that she's finding herself unable to resist my charm anymore. Oh well, let's just say that she's going to have a few surprises before she goes to bed tonight…

It's rather late at night now, and most of us are ready to hit the sack. Neon is actually walking along the corridor with Raiha, and me, with the excuse that her room is just opposite mine. I bet it's just because she wants to spend the last few moments of the day in my delightful company, but she's too shy to say so. Women…

Outside Raiha's room, I stop and ask in mock concern, "Sure you don't need me to escort you into your room?"

He raps his knuckles on my helmet, saying, "I'm not a little kid." He enters his room, without turning on the lights, as usual, and closes the door. Seconds later, there is a crash and a string of colourful language coming from behind the door. I start laughing my head off. Neon gives me a 'you are so childish' look, rolls her eyes and walks into her room.

I open Raiha's door and find him disentangling himself from a chair, probably the one he walked into this morning. I turn on his lights and say, "Hey Raiha-han, I know what to get you for Christmas."

"What?"

"A torchlight." I close the door on his baffled face and make my way to my own room, as a piercing shriek echoes down the hallway.

I make a dash for my room and wrench open the door, just as Neon's door is flung open with a bang. She spots me at my door and lunges across the hallway, fully bent on throttling me, to say the least. I quickly shut my door and lock it, just in the nick of time. Neon's nails are lethal, I bet she could mutilate a lion with them and come out unharmed. Poor lion.

Neon bangs on my door, fuming mad. "JOKER!!! I am *SO* going to kill you! You just *had* to hang those spiders from my ceiling didn't you!!"

I call out cheerily, "Oh, that. By the way, have you checked out your slippers yet?"

"YES! And there's Jell-O in them! You wait till I get my hands on you, you…you…" Apparently, she had run out on threats to use on me.

I laugh silently and give myself a pat on the back. "Goodnight, Neon-han, we can sort this out tomorrow." I hear her stamp her feet and growl in rage, before her room door slams shut.

Looks like tomorrow's going to be more fun than today. I just she doesn't spike my food. Oh well, c'est la vie. For me, that is.

Author's note: 

Ok. This is a partial rewrite of a fic that I put up under my friend's account 2 years ago… But since I was feeling hyper today… tadah! 

Just a little history about this: it was written in 1 h 30 min. (when I should have been studying my Physics for a really stupid major exam) at 1225 a.m. on 29th October 2001.

Anyway, just a little note to all the people out there who have read and reviewed "Wish Upon A Star"... err…. I'm really, really sorry, but I don't think I can ever finish that story due to many reasons. Thank you for reading and for all the wonderful reviews, I really appreciate all your support.


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